The past week has been trying to say the least.
My aunt died.
She was my Mother's baby sister (3rd of 4 - just turned 60). Of all my family I have been closest to Janet and her daughter Alice (Sis to us). I would spend the night with Janet and she would braid or curl my hair. She also gave me the worst perm a girl could ever have. She pimped me out to her friends' sons for prom dates - and I had a great time. Janet made me one of my favorite dishes - hammies - I was a teen before I found out they were fried pigs brains; by then I didn't care. She was always there for the big moments. Graduations, wedding shower, wedding (the only one of my family other than my parents who helped with the craziness); she could always be counted on to just pitch in and help.
Janet made the best pies. My favorite was her pumpkin pie. She knew how much I loved it and how I always bragged on her pies to everyone. Every year at Thanksgiving and Christmas - no matter what - there was an extra pumpkin pie set back for me to take home.
If you haven't caught on from this description she was a good person who gave so much to others. She was also opinionated and not afraid to confront you if she felt you were in the wrong. It was always done out of love - because she was worried about you. We butted heads more than a few times. One way I wish I was more like Janet was her ability to forgive; truly forgive, even seriously heinous things. I was so excited for her to know my baby.
That has been the hardest thing. I never got to say goodbye, I didn't get to say I love you one more time. My child will never know her great aunt Janet.
See - Ken had both sets of grandparents and even great grandparents in his childhood. He has many aunts and uncles. He has a brother and many cousins. My paternal grandfather died when my father was three - my paternal grandmother died when I was three. My maternal grandfather died many years before I was born. My maternal grandmother is alive, but sadly we have never been close. I was the youngest of 5 grand-kids and we just didn't have a lot in common. I think she just related to some of my other cousins more than me. It is hard to bond with a child you don't understand. Now her lucid days come and go but I am glad she will meet my child.
We worry about our child - of course - but we worry about family. Ken has a single brother with no designs on marriage and I am an only child. Our child will have one uncle. No cousins. Her closest relatives in her generation will be 3rd cousins 4-15 years older than her. I never thought much about this before. I am an only child and was never unhappy with it.
This past week I watched my cousin (also an only child) go through the very unexpected death of her Mother. My heart breaks for her. They were very close - much like my Mother and I. I don't even want to think of being in her position. However, the reality is, hopefully a long time from now, I will be. It terrifies me and gives me even more sympathy and compassion for my cousin.
An odd side effect has been that this self proclaimed proud only child: the girl who always said if you get it right the first time you don't have to have more ;) is now considering if I really want to be in the one and done club. Maybe there is something to be said for having a sibling to whom you are close in age. Maybe there is something to be said for large families.
All I know is I miss Janet terribly and I can't even fathom the loss my mother and grandmother and Cousin must be feeling. Yet as I sit here typing this my baby is bouncing the laptop with her kicks. A wonderful reminder that life is a cycle. I can help keep Janet and her legacy of forgiveness and generosity alive by embodying that for my child and making sure she knows about her Great aunt.
