For the past few days I thought I was brewing the mother of all bladder infections. Then I realized it was Festus, doing a tap dance on my bladder. Festus has now punched me a few times in the tummy - such a wonderfully odd sensation.
We will hopefully find out Festus' gender next Thursday. Until then Festus it remains. This past week has been a challange. I have become quite the klutz and broke my toe by dropping a cutting board on it. I have also had some serious mood swings, one of which resulted in my foot planted on K's butt and him physically getting kicked out of bed (I was going on night 2 of no sleep due to his snoring and he had just kicked my broken toe for the third time).
Despite the mood swings and the sleep deprivation it was a good week and I look forward to more positive progress.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
A Small Place
Up until now I always thought of myself as fairly normal, fairly healthy, and fairly balanced. Then I got pregnant. My high risk consult looked at me with pity and commented on what a rough time I've had of it. Really? I never thought of it that way.
Almost every Gynie I've seen has told me I would have trouble conceiving. Not so! We got pregnant on BC and miscarried and one month off BC conceived. So far we are 18 weeks into a fairly uncomplicated pregnancy. Despite some early scares things are progressing well. My only issue is continued nausea, fatigue, and "growing pains." Ken tells me I am too in tune with my body. I can literally feel my stomach muscles stretching, tearing, moving. My hips are pushing out and I can feel the joints grinding. All of my ligaments are getting loose and I can feel pain in joints (not unusual for me) but it is getting worse. However, no flutters of life from Festus yet. We do listen to its heartbeat every Sunday with a fetal Doppler.
I just find it hard to comprehend how something so tiny, so miraculous, can cause such a major change in my body. Some days I marvel at the fact that I am literally growing a new life inside of me; one made of Ken and my combined genetic material and a whisper of the supernatural, a new soul, a miracle. Those days I feel big, larger than life; I am literally someone's entire world for another 5 months! Other days, when it hurts and I have a horrible headache and my hormones go haywire and I feel like I an chewing glass just to function in a semi-normal state, I think of this little parasite, living in a little pocket in my abdomen, that is sucking the life from me - in a literal and figurative sense. On these days I feel small, pain and pressure and uncertainty press in on me, I want to cower, to become minuscule.
I want to embrace change, to see and marvel, to be the glowing preganant girl. I also really want an Excedrin migraine and a glass of Rosa Regale. I want to meditate, relax, and communicate with my child in-utero. I also would like to smile and mean it (which for me means pharmaceuticals). Such an odd and complicated season in life pregnancy is. So many wishes and wants. So many dreams unrealized. So many hopes unfulfilled. So many possibilities. So much potential.
Almost every Gynie I've seen has told me I would have trouble conceiving. Not so! We got pregnant on BC and miscarried and one month off BC conceived. So far we are 18 weeks into a fairly uncomplicated pregnancy. Despite some early scares things are progressing well. My only issue is continued nausea, fatigue, and "growing pains." Ken tells me I am too in tune with my body. I can literally feel my stomach muscles stretching, tearing, moving. My hips are pushing out and I can feel the joints grinding. All of my ligaments are getting loose and I can feel pain in joints (not unusual for me) but it is getting worse. However, no flutters of life from Festus yet. We do listen to its heartbeat every Sunday with a fetal Doppler.
I just find it hard to comprehend how something so tiny, so miraculous, can cause such a major change in my body. Some days I marvel at the fact that I am literally growing a new life inside of me; one made of Ken and my combined genetic material and a whisper of the supernatural, a new soul, a miracle. Those days I feel big, larger than life; I am literally someone's entire world for another 5 months! Other days, when it hurts and I have a horrible headache and my hormones go haywire and I feel like I an chewing glass just to function in a semi-normal state, I think of this little parasite, living in a little pocket in my abdomen, that is sucking the life from me - in a literal and figurative sense. On these days I feel small, pain and pressure and uncertainty press in on me, I want to cower, to become minuscule.
I want to embrace change, to see and marvel, to be the glowing preganant girl. I also really want an Excedrin migraine and a glass of Rosa Regale. I want to meditate, relax, and communicate with my child in-utero. I also would like to smile and mean it (which for me means pharmaceuticals). Such an odd and complicated season in life pregnancy is. So many wishes and wants. So many dreams unrealized. So many hopes unfulfilled. So many possibilities. So much potential.
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